What To Wear When: Faking Your Own Death

Everyone’s thought about it at one point. Whether you’ve got a deadline coming up, a bill that needs to be paid, or an annoying ex beating down your door, sometimes you just want to throw your hands up and call it a day. Faking your own death is the most glamorous solution to any, and all of, your problems.

But going on the run doesn’t mean you have to leave your dress sense behind. We’re going to teach you how to swan out of your life while keeping your fashion cred intact. So grab those plane tickets, your fake passport, and start your brand-new existence in style.

Get people asking “who is that girl?” and channel Carmen Sandeigo in this bright red Roland Mouret coat. It’s embroidered, textured cotton and partially lined, so you’ll be able to swoop into any climate in luxurious comfort. It’s the ideal mix of practical and swoon-worthy (just like you!)

You’re going to have to pack your entire life into a suitcase, so a capsule wardrobe is the way to go – pieces that you can rewear and accessorize. Another thing to bear in mind is that faking your own death may involve some level of physical activity (shudder.) This wide-legged River Island jumpsuit is a chic staple that can take you from day to night, and will also allow you to outrun anyone who threatens to expose your secret identity.

Makeup wise, the sky’s the limit. For an authentic Woman With A Secret look, emulate the screen sirens of the early 20th century. Think Rita Hayworth, Theda Bara, and Gene Tierney – all dark eyes and dark scheming. Bring out your inner femme fatale with the Yves Saint Laurent range Rouge Pur Couture – choose the deepest red (No 204)for a vampy vibe.

A good eyeshadow is a must; it’s essential for exchanging sensual glances across smoky rooms. Go for a modern twist with the Magnificent Metal Eyeliners from Stila. They can be used as either a liner or a shadow, so they’re perfect for saving space on your carry on without sacrificing your smoulder.

Even though you’re jetting off to foreign locales incognito, you might just find yourself missing home. Add an extra layer of mystery to your new life with a keepsake locket – this one from Links of London is perfect for holding a hidden photo or memento. Gaze at it wistfully and enigmatically while sipping champagne. If there’s a violin playing in the background, all the better.

Shopping for suitcases is a necessary evil, like taxes or cardio workouts. At the risk of sounding petulant, they’re all just so ugly. But you don’t have to start your new life with a hideous, blocky monstrosity. Hold your head up with pride as you wheel this sleek herringbone number across the runway. It comes in three different sizes, so grab the set for a perfectly co-ordinated escape.

Faking your own death is the most romantic sounding way to escape your problems – and now you can look like a film star as you do so. Pack your bags, cancel the papers and torch your office building (you may as well go out with a bang!) Don’t forget to send us a postcard!

Article reproduced here was originally published by Crave Magazine (July 2014) and is no longer available online. 

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